I have referenced one of my favorite books on this site, "How to Win Friends & Influence People", by Dale Carnegie. It was written in 1936 but contains universal truths about building genuine relationships with people that are timeless. The book sits on my bed stand and I read a bit of it each night. When I finish it, I start over. It is one of the best sources of information about successfully relating to people, and indirectly improving interviewing skills that exists.As I will discuss tomorrow, the interview itself really starts before you meet the actual person or group who will conduct the interview. It starts when you park your car and continues until you drive away. Along the way in this process you may meet many people, starting with the parking lot attendant or receptionist. In Dale Carnegie's book, one of his key Principles is "Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language".
I confess that I am not an expert at remembering names but I try. How often have we said, or heard someone say, "I am terrible at names; I'm sorry what was yours again?" People forgive this in others because we all forget names. But when someone meets another person who does remember your name, even after a brief exchange, that person stands out from the crowd like a Christmas tree.
I once accidentally walked into a seminar that happened to be about techniques for remembering names and stayed because I found it fascinating. I recall five points that I try and practice with everyone I meet:
- Develop a consistent habit of making the effort to remember a name every time you meet someone. You can do this and it can become second nature. Start just by repeating the person's name to yourself right after you hear it.
- If a name is an interesting one or unique in some way, talk about the name itself. For example, every time I meet a "Jennifer", I ask if she spells her name with one or two "n's". I then tell her that my oldest daughter's name is "Jenifer" with one "n". I never forget the names of the Jennifer's I meet. A foreign name or name you've never heard or rarely heard is always worth a brief conversation in itself.
- During your conversation, no matter how brief, use the person's name at least three times - "How long have your worked here, Robert?" "I'm from Chicago, Robert, where are your from?" "Robert, is that a picture of your family on your desk?"
- When the conversation ends, use the person's name again - "It has been a pleasure talking with you, Sheila."
- Finally, when you get some place where you can make notes, write down the person's name with as much information about the context of your meeting as you can recall.
No one can consistently practice all of these techniques but if you make the effort, you will improve.
Tomorrow, I'll highlight why the ability to remember names can be so critical before, during and after the actual interview.
